In 2000, Robert Zemeckis made "Cast Away," the longest FedEx commercial in history that masquerades as a trapped-on-a-desert-island story. Granted, the middle section of the film where Tom Hanks is marooned isn't terrible, but the pair of audience-insulting bookending acts that surround it replace any good will that created with seething anger.
Tom Hanks plays Chuck Noland, a man with no time because of his demanding job at FedEx, who is the lone survivor of a plane crash over the Pacific—and then washes ashore a small, uninhabited island in the middle of nowhere.
His deteriorated mental state (which weirdly happens within days) makes him need to paint a face in his own blood on a Wilson-branded volleyball so he has something to talk to. He struggles to survive for years, and eventually is motivated to build a boat to escape by wanting to return a package to its sender and by wanting badly to see his girlfriend again.
Unfortunately his girlfriend played by Helen Hunt has in the meantime married some other dude and had a kid with him. So when Hanks does return, it was all for nothing. Her character is hardly developed, so we don't ultimately care. But it is annoying that everyone close to him blames him for getting stuck on a desert island.
Join us as we wonder if Robert Zemeckis secretly bought stock in FedEx while making this movie, Jim recalls a teacher he hates from grade school, and we sing some Springsteen covers.
ALSO: Here's the link to the Wilson's website where you can buy a bloody volleyball.
This episode is sponsored by Busted Nut.