Seth MacFarlane's feature-length directorial debut "Ted" is just one long fart: funny in theory and for a second, but when the butt-trombone just continues for two hours, it stops being humorous and you realize you're just sitting in a room where everything smells.
Because most people in the world are stupid, this messy flatulence of flat racist and homophobic jokes and ‘80s references made $549.4 million at the box office, spawned a successful sequel, and was even nominated for an Academy Award for Best Original Song.
MacFarlane plays the title character (both in voice and motion capture), Ted, a foul-mouthed, toxic, alcoholic teddy bear with a penchant for racism and banging hookers (even though he doesn’t have money or genitals).
Mark Wahlberg plays John Bennett, Ted's best friend who as a child wished his teddy bear would come to life. He’s an immature, childish man in his 30s who is whipped by his girlfriend (played by Mila “Meg Griffin” Kunis) and will do anything—even cut ties with Ted—to stop her from dumping him.
Joel McHale plays Mila Kunis’ character’s sexually harassing boss who didn’t need to be in this movie at all.
And Giovanni Ribisi plays Donny, Ted's stalker, which leads to a funny kidnapping scene, but by then, we’ve already been stewing in this rancid air for so long that we can’t wait to walk out of the theater and breathe some well-needed fresh air.
Join us as we break down why this movie’s humor doesn’t work, discuss how playing Tetris for too long makes you go insane, and wonder why Norah Jones is somehow in this movie and integral to its plot.
This episode is sponsored by Eyeball-to-Table.