Lasse Hallström's 1999 Oscar darling "The Cider House Rules" is crafted to seem like a heartwarming coming-of-age story about leaving childhood behind, falling in love for the first time and accepting adult responsibilities. However, under the schmaltzy score and eccentric characters, it's really just an incoherent pro-choice diatribe that ends up having nothing to say on the issue.
Tobey Maguire plays Homer Wells, an orphan who was taught how to perform abortions against his will and then becomes an apple picker.
Michael Caine plays Dr. Wilbur Larch, a ether-addicted obstetrician and gynecologist who forces Homer Wells to do his bidding.
Charlize Theron plays Candy Kendall, a mercurial daughter of a lobsterman who has an abortion at an orphanage and then cheats on her boyfriend as he fights in WWII with Homer.
Paul Rudd plays Wally Worthington, the aforementioned Charlize boyfriend who invites Homer into his life, only to have him bang his lady while he's away at war.
Join us as we try to determine what accent Paul Rudd was doing here, create a disturbing new superhero, and wonder why this abortion of a movie won Oscars.
This episode is sponsored by New-and-Improved Glory.