Hey, you guys! We all loved Richard Donner’s 1985 adventure comedy, “The Goonies,” as kids, but do we really have to spend the rest of our lives pretending that it is a quality film? Sure, Jeff Cohen’s portrayal of Chunk is brilliant, but the rest of the movie smells like Phys Ed.
Oscar-nominated filmmaker Sean Astin plays Mikey, a greedy bracefaced dunce who leads his friends into enormous peril so that he can bail out his deadbeat parents who haven’t been making their mortgage payments.
Oscar-nominated actor Josh Brolin plays Brand, Mikey's workout-obsessed bandana-wearin’ older brother who doesn’t really do much in the film other than attract a girl who barely knows how to play the piano.
Jeff Cohen plays Chunk, a gentle soul who wanted nothing to do with this misguided quest and ultimately ends up saving everyone’s lives, including the bad guys, by using his undeniable charisma to befriend a Herculean behemoth.
Corey Feldman plays Mouth, an annoying narcissistic jerk who translates Spanish throughout the film for both good and evil.
Jonathan Ke Quan plays Data, a mediocre inventor whose zany gadgets are even less believable than the legend of One-Eyed Willy.
Kerri Green plays Andy, a cheerleader with dubious piano knowledge who spends half the movie screaming and the other half playing kissy-face.
Emmy Award-winning actress Martha Plimpton plays Stef, a ball-bustin’ friend of Andy’s who, along with Josh Brolin’s character, doesn’t really do anything throughout the film.
Oscar-nominated actress Anne Ramsey plays Mama Fratelli, the evil baby-dropping ringleader of the Fratelli gang.
Razzie Award-nominated actor Robert Davi plays Jake Fratelli, an opera-singing escaped convict who longs for his mama’s approval.
Emmy Award-winning actor Joe Pantoliano (aka Joey Pants) plays Francis Fratelli, a toupéed bumbling stooge who laughs like a hyena.
Two-time Super Bowl champion John Matuszak plays Sloth, a deformed and mistreated colossus who loves Errol Flynn movies, Baby Ruth bars, and Chunk.
Join us as Keating takes a bullet to save a slice of pizza and we remove a bowling ball from Ron Jeremy’s bunghole.
This episode is sponsored by BacheloretteDoppler.