The 1990 fairytale "Edward Scissorhands" about an artificial man named Edward—an unfinished creation who has scissor blades instead of hands—is in and of itself a movie that's an artificial and unfinished creation. Tim Burton lathers the film with his usual coating of visual flair, but adds no substance beneath it.
The picture leans hard on Danny Elfman's fantastic original score to try to convince the audience that there's some meaning behind all the pastel houses and forced romance. There isn't.
Johnny Depp plays the title character, a Frankenstein's monster who seems to have been created after his inventor (played by Vincent Price, in his final movie role) saw a heart-shaped cookie and held it up to a robot. Ya know, as you do.
Winona Ryder plays Kim Boggs, the object of Edward's affection throughout the film, and that's pretty much it.
Dianne Wiest plays Kim's mom, the local Avon lady for this seemingly completely isolated suburb who adopts Edward and makes him a part of her family—one that includes her vacant husband (played by Alan Arkin) and her flippant son (played by the nerd kid from “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.”)
Also, Anthony Michael Hall is in this movie, trying his hardest to curb being typecast by playing a bully. But, just like this movie, it didn't work.
Join us as we discuss the waterbed's rise and fall in popularity in the 1980s; Keating’s love of Internet abbreviations (much to Jim’s chagrin); and why Edward’s inventor cruelly decided to give him a penis before hands.
This episode is sponsored by Black and Blue Tactical Riot Gear.