Happy Independence Day, everybody! If world events are making you feel less than celebratory, you can always take solace in the fact that there aren't currently any giant spaceships filled with genocidal aliens hovering over the world's major cities like in Roland Emmerich's 1996 megablockbuster, "Independence Day.”
Be warned that although “Independence Day" contains a large ensemble cast of mostly A-List actors, the unoriginal script and horrid directing produced some of the worst performances of their careers.
Jeff Goldblum plays David Levinson, a lowly, unambitious MIT-educated math genius, chess Grandmaster and cable television executive who can read binary and easily destroy an armada of alien ships with his 1995 Apple PowerBook 5300.
Will Smith plays Captain Steven Hiller, a gung-ho Marine who's in love with a stripper with a heart of gold and is capable of coldcocking an armor-clad alien with one punch. He can also inexplicably pilot any kind of vehicle, be it a helicopter or alien ship.
Bill Pullman plays President Thomas J. Whitmore, a former Desert Storm fighter pilot turned politician. Pullman’s Dirty Harryesque acting delivered the most hackneyed oration in the history of film, until it was overtaken by the 2009 release of James Cameron’s “Avatar."
Randy Quaid plays Russell Casse, a drunken Vietnam vet and father of three who reforms his ways just in time to sacrifice himself and save the world. The makers of this movie seem to believe that criminally irresponsible alcoholic parents are the height of comedy.
Judd Hirsch plays Julius Levinson, David’s Yiddish-accented father who serves as a chauffeur and hype man to his son throughout the film.
Brent Spiner plays Dr. Brackish Okun, an eccentric Area 51 scientist character. In reality, Spiner is just a pawn to get weirdo Trekkies like Jim to like the movie.
Gravelly-voiced Robert Loggia plays General William Grey, a tough old Marine who serves as the President’s trusted military advisor throughout the film.
Famous crooner-turned-actor-turned-daytime talkshow host, Harry Connick Jr., plays Lieutenant Jimmy Wilder, a pilot in Will Smith’s squadron who is fond of doing Jesse Jackson impressions and calling Will Smith “Big Daddy."
Harvey Fierstein has a brief cameo as Marty Gilbert, a co-worker of Jeff Goldblum who feels compelled to call his mother after learning of the alien arrival. Upon learning of the aliens' hostile intentions, he also decides to warn his brother and bookie, but decides to spitefully forego warning his lawyer.
Join us as we discuss our favorite Reddit news source, DonkeySemen69, and learn about Keating's love for watching horses get punched in the face.
This episode is sponsored by USA SAFETY Act (Uniting and Strengthening America by Stubbornly Affirming Freedom by Eliminating Terrorist Yearnings Act of 2017).