In 1976, a former porn star made a low-budget movie called "Rocky" about an underdog boxer who randomly gets a shot at the heavyweight championship. The film went on to become the highest-grossing movie of the year, win three Oscars (including Best Picture) and, at last count, has spawned seven sequels.
Sylvester Stallone plays Rocky Balboa, a punch-drunk 30-year-old who considers himself as a pro boxer because he takes the occasional fight at a local church athletic club. We're supposed to think that Rocky is this total sweetheart, but his main source of income is from roughing up pathetic losers who are behind on their payments to his loan shark boss. Then, after his name gets picked out of hat to fight the reigning heavyweight champion, Rocky jogs around Philadelphia for five weeks and almost manages to win the title.
Talia Shire plays Adrian, a painfully-shy pet shop clerk who Rocky incessantly hounds for a date until she finally relents after her brother has a violent episode and destroys Thanksgiving. Then, Adrian loses her virginity at the conclusion of their awkward first date and she instantly transforms into Jackie Kennedy (wardrobe and all) for the rest of the movie.
Burgess Meredith plays Mickey, a cantankerous old boxing trainer who treats Rocky like garbage until he sees the chance to take advantage of his shot at the heavyweight title. Somehow, every stupid little phrase that comes out of Mickey's mouth in this movie is still parroted back by idiots across the world.
Burt Young plays Paulie, a drunken dimwit with a violent streak whose highest aspiration in life is to become a leg breaker for the local loan shark. Somehow we are supposed feel sorry for this guy and kinda like him despite the fact that he is entirely despicable and the world would be a far better place if he had never been born.
Carl Weathers plays Apollo Creed, a smooth-talking heavyweight champion who has become so preoccupied with the business of boxing that he has lost focus on maintaining his abilities. His character is a combination of Muhammed Ali and the hare from Aesop's famous fable "The Tortoise and the Hare."
Join us as we discuss this movie's similarities to "Willy Wonka," why exactly Rocky lectures a little girl about being a whore, and how "Gonna Fly Now" is one of the worst songs ever.
This episode is sponsored by Ocean Rape Incorporated.