John Hughes’ 1984 motion picture "Sixteen Candles" was a seminal point in film history—meaning, this is when movies started to get much worse. Way too many flicks have emulated this garbage heap’s style and essence over the years, and somehow people look past its gigantic flaws and consider it a classic comedy that’s both romantic and realistic at showing the awkwardness of high school. Um, no. None of those things are true.
It’s widely known for its blatant racism with the whole Long Duk Dong character, but that just makes people forget that this movie is also extremely rapey. The popular high school jock trades the opportunity to have sex with his passed-out popular girlfriend to someone he hardly knows in exchange for another girl’s underwear. Oh, John Hughes. You’re such a romantic.
Molly Ringwald (the original underwear owner) plays Samantha Baker, a high school girl on her 16th birthday who has two problems: 1.) nobody in her family remembers that it’s her birthday, and 2.) the boy she likes doesn’t even know she exists. These problems are, like, pretty major.
Anthony Michael Hall (who acquired her underwear and then trades them for rape) plays a lecherous creep who is somehow considered an underdog "geek."
And some guy nobody’s ever heard of (the one who traded his lady for the panties) plays Jake Ryan, a popular jock who Molly Ringwald so desperately wants to bone.
None of this movie is funny. All of it is racist. None of this movie is romantic. All of it is disgusting.
Join us as we discuss what kind of disease "Ringwalds" probably is, whether John Hughes belonged on a list, and exactly just what the racial slur "bohunk" means.
This episode is sponsored by Kim Jong-university.