A great thinker and out-of-work electrician once said, "With great power comes great responsibility." 2002's MTV Movie Award-winner for Best Kiss, "Spider-Man," failed to live up to the great responsibility of its $140M budget and spun a jizzy web of awful performances, lame special effects, and jokes that fell flat.
58-year-old Tobey Maguire plays a teenage Peter Parker, a puny orphaned nerd who dreams in vain of getting the girl next door until a magical mutant spider bites him while he is on a class field trip and changes him into a muscular half-man, half-spider full of baby batter.
Kirsten Dunst plays Mary Jane, a vapid aspiring actress who changes boyfriends every five seconds until she sees how far Spider-Man can shoot his trouser gravy and falls in love.
James Franco plays Harry Osborn, a whiny rich brat who pretends to be Peter Parker's best friend while he secretly goes behind his back and steals the love of Peter's life.
Willem Dafoe plays Dr. Osborn, the father of Harry and a scientist who turns himself into a psychopathic supervillain, the Green Goblin. And Dafoe is such a method actor, that he still looks like a goblin to this day.
So, put on your pearl necklace, pour yourself a protein shake, and join us for this in-your-face load of laughs.
This episode is sponsored by President Goggles.