Tearing apart your favorite movies
In Part 2 of our discussion about Canadian madman James Cameron's 1997 blockbuster film "Titanic," we go through the second half of the movie, which essentially feels like a different picture than its first half. Where that half was a fruity love story, this part is more of an action film. This is clearly where most of the budget was spent in all of its freezing, flailing, falling and frantic frenzy. More...
In this episode, we'll cover the first half of James Cameron's 1997 film, “Titanic.” It’s a story of two star-crossed lovers overcoming their socioeconomic differences only to experience one of the worst maritime disasters of the 20th century. More...
The 1993 inspirational (to idiots) sports drama, "Rudy," is based on a true story—meaning that it’s mostly made up. Most of the characters never existed, and all the events are misconstrued to make it seem like this little manipulative weasel actually accomplished something special. He didn't. More...
The 1989 megahit Disney flick, "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" is allegedly a fun comedic science fiction movie for children. In fact, it's actually a disturbing horror film. During their harrowing journey, the shrunken kids narrowly escape getting crushed to death by falling debris, being drowned in a flood, getting attacked by giant insects, being chopped to bits by a lawnmower and being eaten alive. More...
Damien Chazelle's 2016 musical "La La Land” follows an age-old tradition of blatantly making movies for the sole purpose of washing Hollywood's balls in order to win Oscars. It’s right on par with other transparently pandering piles of garbage like 2014’s “Birdman,” 2012’s “Argo” and 2011’s “The Artist.” More...
Get your head out of a horse's *** and join us as we discuss former President William Jefferson Clinton's favorite film, the 1984 classic, "Police Academy." The movie made $146M at the box office and spawned six sequels as well as a short-lived TV series. It's only a matter of time before J.J. Abrams or one of the Nolan brothers makes a gritty reboot or prequel. More...
The 2008 Best Picture winner, "Slumdog Millionaire," is a fake episode of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” set in India with an evil version of Regis Philbin. Despite the fact that the questions they ask are extremely easy, Evil Reege suspects the winning contestant of cheating and turns him over to corrupt cops who attempt to torture a confession out of him. More...
"Ecclesiastes assures us... that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance.” -Ren McCormack
The 1984 musical drama, “Footloose,” makes viewers laugh at its afterschool special-caliber plot… and weep about the fact Kenny Loggins was nominated for both an Oscar and a Grammy for the title song. It makes us mourn the 110 minutes we wasted watching it…and it makes us want to dance directly into an oncoming train. More...
Opa! The 2002 Nia Vardalos one-woman-show-turned-movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” seems like it should have been a Lifetime channel original. However, it somehow became the highest grossing romantic comedy film of all time, and it still retains that distinction by a significant margin over 15 years later. More...
Hey, you guys! We all loved Richard Donner’s 1985 adventure comedy, “The Goonies,” as kids, but do we really have to spend the rest of our lives pretending that it is a quality film? Sure, Jeff Cohen’s portrayal of Chunk is brilliant, but the rest of the movie smells like Phys Ed. More...
Blake Edwards' 1961 classic, "Breakfast at Tiffany's," is a madcap romantic romp about an extraordinarily well-dressed New York City courtesan and her dapper male prostitute neighbor. This movie has it all: call girls, gigolos, yellow face, cat abuse, statutory rape, the mafia, and even O.J. More...
Happy Independence Day, everybody! If world events are making you feel less than celebratory, you can always take solace in the fact that there aren't currently any giant spaceships filled with genocidal aliens hovering over the world's major cities like in Roland Emmerich's 1996 megablockbuster, "Independence Day.” More...
Hello,
Did you know that a freshly severed human head weighs 8 pounds? The overly-quoted 1996 Cameron Crowe film, "Jerry Maguire," informs us of this fact along with a bunch of schmaltzy nonsense. The film's cornball dialogue and maudlin characters gave moviegoers a worse toothache than the giant container of Milk Duds they bought at the concession stand ever could. More...
John Hughes’ 1984 motion picture "Sixteen Candles" was a seminal point in film history—meaning, this is when movies started to get much worse. Way too many flicks have emulated this garbage heap’s style and essence over the years, and somehow people look past its gigantic flaws and consider it a classic comedy that’s both romantic and realistic at showing the awkwardness of high school. More...
Noted empty chair scolder, Clint Eastwood, directed the 2016 biographical drama, "Sully," which was proudly nominated for three AARP Movies for Grownups Awards. The film somehow manages to take the captivating story of one of greatest heroes of modern times, Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, and twist it into a mind-numbingly boring rant about the government. More...
The emperor has no clothes! Paul Verhoeven’s 1997 film, "Starship Troopers,” is a blow ‘em up action war movie for 13-year-old boys featuring slimy aliens and a co-ed shower scene. It cowardly tries to claim that it's misunderstood satire rather than just a pile of space junk. More...
Viewing Paul Feig's overly-praised 2011 comedy, "Bridesmaids," is like watching a series of bad deleted scenes from a better movie. The film is a mediocre and forgettable “Saturday Night Live” sketch that keeps dragging on for more than two hours of your life that you will never get back. More...
The 1997 Jim Carrey/Christopher Darden vehicle, "Liar Liar," is about a child who makes a birthday wish, just for one day, that his slimy lawyer dad cannot tell a lie. When the boy's wish is granted by some unspecified demon, his father is stricken with a case of Tourette syndrome which ultimately results in his arrest, the loss of his job and severe bodily harm. More...
As Raymond Carver once said, "I hate tricks. At the first sign of a trick or gimmick in a piece of fiction, a cheap trick or even an elaborate trick, I tend to look for cover." Carver would be diving for cover lickety-split upon viewing the 2014 Best Picture winner, "Birdman," with its overabundance of third-rate tricks and pretentious gimmicks. More...
The 2003 Nancy Meyers joint, "Something's Gotta Give," tells the story of a mother falling wildly in love with her daughter's boyfriend after spending a couple days with the guy while he's recovering from a heart attack. It's a tale as old as time, told by an idiot, full of phony crying and boner jokes, signifying nothing. More...