Episode 46 - Footloose

"Ecclesiastes assures us... that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance.” -Ren McCormack

The 1984 musical drama, “Footloose,” makes viewers laugh at its afterschool special-caliber plot… and weep about the fact Kenny Loggins was nominated for both an Oscar and a Grammy for the title song. It makes us mourn the 110 minutes we wasted watching it…and it makes us want to dance directly into an oncoming train. More...

Episode 45 - My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Opa! The 2002 Nia Vardalos one-woman-show-turned-movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” seems like it should have been a Lifetime channel original. However, it somehow became the highest grossing romantic comedy film of all time, and it still retains that distinction by a significant margin over 15 years later. More...

Episode 44 - The Goonies

Hey, you guys! We all loved Richard Donner’s 1985 adventure comedy, “The Goonies,” as kids, but do we really have to spend the rest of our lives pretending that it is a quality film? Sure, Jeff Cohen’s portrayal of Chunk is brilliant, but the rest of the movie smells like Phys Ed. More...

Episode 43 - Breakfast at Tiffany's

Blake Edwards' 1961 classic, "Breakfast at Tiffany's," is a madcap romantic romp about an extraordinarily well-dressed New York City courtesan and her dapper male prostitute neighbor. This movie has it all: call girls, gigolos, yellow face, cat abuse, statutory rape, the mafia, and even O.J. More...

Episode 42 - Independence Day

Happy Independence Day, everybody! If world events are making you feel less than celebratory, you can always take solace in the fact that there aren't currently any giant spaceships filled with genocidal aliens hovering over the world's major cities like in Roland Emmerich's 1996 megablockbuster, "Independence Day.” More...

Episode 41 - Jerry Maguire

Hello,

Did you know that a freshly severed human head weighs 8 pounds? The overly-quoted 1996 Cameron Crowe film, "Jerry Maguire," informs us of this fact along with a bunch of schmaltzy nonsense. The film's cornball dialogue and maudlin characters gave moviegoers a worse toothache than the giant container of Milk Duds they bought at the concession stand ever could. More...

Episode 40 - Sixteen Candles

John Hughes’ 1984 motion picture "Sixteen Candles" was a seminal point in film history—meaning, this is when movies started to get much worse. Way too many flicks have emulated this garbage heap’s style and essence over the years, and somehow people look past its gigantic flaws and consider it a classic comedy that’s both romantic and realistic at showing the awkwardness of high school. More...

Episode 39 - Sully

Noted empty chair scolder, Clint Eastwood, directed the 2016 biographical drama, "Sully," which was proudly nominated for three AARP Movies for Grownups Awards. The film somehow manages to take the captivating story of one of greatest heroes of modern times, Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, and twist it into a mind-numbingly boring rant about the government. More...

Episode 38 - Starship Troopers

The emperor has no clothes! Paul Verhoeven’s 1997 film, "Starship Troopers,” is a blow ‘em up action war movie for 13-year-old boys featuring slimy aliens and a co-ed shower scene. It cowardly tries to claim that it's misunderstood satire rather than just a pile of space junk. More...

Episode 37 - Bridesmaids

Viewing Paul Feig's overly-praised 2011 comedy, "Bridesmaids," is like watching a series of bad deleted scenes from a better movie. The film is a mediocre and forgettable “Saturday Night Live” sketch that keeps dragging on for more than two hours of your life that you will never get back. More...

Episode 36 - Liar Liar

The 1997 Jim Carrey/Christopher Darden vehicle, "Liar Liar," is about a child who makes a birthday wish, just for one day, that his slimy lawyer dad cannot tell a lie. When the boy's wish is granted by some unspecified demon, his father is stricken with a case of Tourette syndrome which ultimately results in his arrest, the loss of his job and severe bodily harm. More...

Episode 35 - Birdman

As Raymond Carver once said, "I hate tricks. At the first sign of a trick or gimmick in a piece of fiction, a cheap trick or even an elaborate trick, I tend to look for cover." Carver would be diving for cover lickety-split upon viewing the 2014 Best Picture winner, "Birdman," with its overabundance of third-rate tricks and pretentious gimmicks. More...

Episode 34 - Something's Gotta Give

The 2003 Nancy Meyers joint, "Something's Gotta Give," tells the story of a mother falling wildly in love with her daughter's boyfriend after spending a couple days with the guy while he's recovering from a heart attack. It's a tale as old as time, told by an idiot, full of phony crying and boner jokes, signifying nothing. More...

Episode 33 - Stand by Me

In 1986, Rob Reiner ("Meathead" from "All in the Family") attempted to adapt a Stephen King novella called "The Body" into a Rated R kids movie. The resulting film, "Stand by Me," is an 88-minute cry-fest about four adolescent buddies who walk about 30 miles to find the body of a kid who got hit by a train in hopes of getting their names in the local newspaper. More...

Episode 32 - Saturday Night Fever

The iconic 1977 musical-drama, "Saturday Night Fever," is perhaps the most overrated movie we've reviewed to date (e.g., Gene Siskel's favorite movie). People tend to remember the film as a fun little dance flick instead of seeing it for the poorly-filmed tribute to douchebaggery that it is. More...

Episode 31 - Chocolat

One winter day in the year 2000, a sly wind blew in from the North carrying the rotten stench of "Chocolat." Its watered-down message about religious zealots needing to get laid every once in a while and lighten up slightly is supposed to be charming, but it is really just a cheap bastardization of a powerful and beautifully-written novel that challenges the morality of Catholicism. More...

Episode 27 - Gravity

In space, life is impossible. But if only Alfonso Cuarón filmed his overrated and meaningless turd from 2013, “Gravity,” in the vacuum of space, we wouldn’t have had to sit through this 91-minute chore that somehow felt like three hours. More...